I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think I died a long time ago.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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