Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
