I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
