I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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