just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
