I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
