but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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