so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You can't special order awesome
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
