she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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