i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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