and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
