pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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