hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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