Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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