this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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