You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
