please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
