I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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