when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
