Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
