My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
