last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
