She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
