That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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