Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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