I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
