College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
