I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
