I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
