HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
