Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
