I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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