No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
