I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I touched a dick in church today
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
