This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
