Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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