I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
