Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
