Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
