And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
