I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
