ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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