If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
