I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
