I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
