cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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