something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
