Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
