yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
