Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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