More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
