how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
