Well apparently he's into motor boating.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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