OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
