We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Let's paint friendship bongs
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
